Why did you have to repeat the history again? How can you not know that friendship is so important to me and still, repeatedly, say things like "Ending the friendship" so easily again and again. I cried last nite (this mrng) again... I'm behaving more and more like a cry-baby lately.
"It's the end", "I'm not gonna worry abt anything frm tonite onwards. Just wanna say thanks for everything :)", "It's not anybody fault...wat r friends for?" and "friendship ends now" and "don't call me if the two of them are with you the next time".
Meimei and I didn't want to trouble you mah. So plotted to leave secretly to cab hme esp since u guys were alr so near hme...
Why can't you guys be understanding for our motive of doing so? When u guys got angry without even letting us explain and wanting us to understand why u guys were angry... Why can't u guys think in our perspective too?
Meimei cried last nite again. She said she can't believe so many things keep happening lately. She's so so so so very very very tired about them. She just broke down while talkng to me. Still dare to say things like "If I disappear, everything can be solved, I'll disappear then" to her lao gong. Making all of us abit paranoid and concern for her. So so so so many things happened ytd. I oso can't believe I lost control of my temper and emotions and broke down last nite over the phone... I cried for so long... My EQ's lowering and lowering itself. Damn... Lyk wad u've said "I'm sorry. How can I make a person who's always so strong, cry today?"Haix.... I juz can't easily treat things like a joke or take things (friendship) for granted. Thinking u're juz joking and saying things cuz u were juz angry, and make myself think/believe tt u wun be angry for long etc. I'm scared, when it comes to losing any friendship... The last time u've seen me cried, it's because of similar matters as well... because of tt "petty" guy. Why can't u be a lil more sensitive and prevent urself frm saying such things. I lied. I'm sorry. i juz rmbered I did cried because of you b4 last nite's too. But u know, I can't not be feeling bad for making the others guilty and self-reproach. I'd rather take all the blames. Juz like ytd. After I calmed down, I felt so embarrassed for crying... :(
I felt even even more guilty when u owned up that you were really really very angry and so drove home quite recklessly... speeding and all... DAMN! Wad hv I done? I was thinkin ytd... WAD IF sth really happened to you? Touch wood... but how can u risk ur life for this? As much as you always like to say things like "Why shld u be crying n be upset for somebody like me? It's not worth it." Then why am I worth it for you to b this angry n for u to risk ur life? CRAZY, aren't you?
How I wish this will be a good lesson and no more similar things will happen nxt time... Four of us were so tortured.
最近有想要发泄, 要大哭一场的冲动... 所以又从新把<恶作剧2吻>弄出来看... 每次都会如此. 不是这一部, 就是<一公升眼泪>了... 感到身心疲惫,好累啊~
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Had lunch wif him. Since sum1's mouth stink last nite, swearin that he will make time for me to hv lunch... Ate at PRIME Mrkt area. (: Ate porridge and he ate Mixed Vege Rice and his fav chix floss cheese pancake. Whole lunch was sayin RIP RIP RIP! Crazy guy. -_-
He knew I'm a lil pissed over tt RIP thingy tt cums out of his stinky mouth so so so often today. We had a small row after I reached back at my hse dwnstairs. We were saying abt some things then I juz got off the car and said "Don't know who promised me that he won't be angry with me one. Can be angry with anybody but won't angry with you de lar..." So wad's last nite abt? U were so angry with me... tt level of anger tt's unimaginable. Every1's shocked. haix... actually, i'm partially joking. Angry then angry lor. Better than hidding anything from me. I'm gg to hate the latter more than anything else... Duno wad's wrong today... Most likely the post effects of last nite's bah. I'm loosing my voice and my eyes are so swollen now.... :( I will still try to study nwaex... as promised to myself and to you. I wanted to keep this. There's not much time left to stay stagnant... Stay unprogressed on the original spot... while everyone's alr moving on and start writing their new chapter... :)
Jiayou to myself! ^^
I can almost guarantee that this is the 1st time I broke a promise. If I can't do it, I wldn't hv promised in the 1st place. Haix... Mayb lyk wad you said, there's really sth wrong with me. I'm searching, but I can't seem to find the reason for this too. Mayb wadeva happened ard me made me moody and felt lyk drinking bahx. I'm so sorry that I broke the promise but the more I do not wish to lie to you... that I didn't touch the beer, when in fact, I did. I HATE to lie. Esp to anybody who cares for me genuinely. I felt so guilty. I knew I lost my credibility olreadi. Any damage done, cannot be undone. Remorseful. Wad the hell is wrong with me?!
I'm becoming a cry-baby lately. I don't like the way I'm turning into. I used to be stronger by myself. But nowadays, after knowing you, you seem to see through alot of my weak (weakest) sides... Seems like I can't hold on to my mask anymore, before you.
I cried last night (or rather this morning) again. AGAIN?! I just felt wronged and misunderstood for you twisting my good intentions on you into something that so bad that you said: "You don't need a friend like me since you are so calculative", "Let's just end the friendship so you can don't call/text to disturb me anymore", etc.
What more is that I really have no idea if you really meant (all these) what you've said and was angry but used "joke" as a way to cover it up and make me feel better and to forgive me, OR you really was just joking about such a serious and critical thing (for me at least)! I honestly and sincerely treasure every single person and my friendship with them and for you to use "ending friendship" easily as a joke (if it's really a joke?), I'm really saddened by your attitude and choice of words used. Cried because of the two reasons above. And was both relieved that you (might) really be joking about it and don't mean anything serious OR that you're trying to hide your anger by covering/ending everything up by saying "JOKE" is all I'm doing. Maybe I lied. I was really a lil angry when I learnt of the truth (the truth you meant).
Hope the "truth" is really the "truth". Not anything to make me or make yourself feel better and get over it.
Lost control and cried a little just now again. Brooding about the matter again and when you called, I can't control my sadness and a lil anger again. I'm always searching for problems and troubles huh?
Another thing is my dearest mei mei. From what I've heard, she cried so hard last night at the shop, behind him. Wishing she's better now cos I knew she can't be ALRIGHT de...
